Bipolar

The problem with bipolar, for me, is the fluctuations in my energy levels.

This ties directly to my ability to finish any project I am working on.

But it is only recently that I realised, even when my energy levels are up, I don't seem to be able to finish said project. 

I always want to move onto the next one. 

Something new, shiny and stimulating.

Years ago I read a book called 'Refuse to Choose' whose author called this phenomenon 'scanning'.

Just recently I was discussing this with my daughter, who also has cupboards full of half finished projects and who struggles to complete one thing before needing to move onto the next. She is convinced it is a form of ADD. 

We are both excited and productive at the planning and outset of an idea, but quickly lose interest. Hence cupboards full of guilty secrets and wasted money in the form of half complete .. I can't remember whats.

But, what if, after years of berating myself, blaming my lack of willpower and work ethic for all the incomplete ventures in my life, it was an actual mental problem which, when tied to my bipolar and dysthymia, gave me no chance at all of achieving the lofty heights of success I predicted when I first began?

Looking at this diagram - probably not! I fall very much in the central overlap leaning more to the bipolar.

[By the way, of all the diagrams, I do think Venn is my favourite - just saying ...]

So, where this is leading to, of course, is the failure of Bobby Dazzler knits, my foray into the world of vintage knitting. 

Not a failure in producing some really gorgeous knitwear, more a failure in marketing and in being able to produce enough knitwear for a meaningful marketing strategy, a failure to sell.

The upside is, my darling daughter has a spiffy new knitwear wardrobe full of stock I had bought to sell on the non-existant markets which I never went to, in addition to some unique hand knits which look adorable on her.

So. with another failure to monetise a hobby 

(which should never be a thing anyway - the clue is in the word 'hobby'),

for the time being, I have returned to my sewing machine. As hubby mentioned, the bed badly needs a new quilt. 

I sometimes think he comes up with these ideas to keep me enervated and make me feel relevant. For which I adore him.

He doesn't even flinch any more when I come at him with - 

'I've had an idea...' or 

'I've been up all night trying to figure out a way to ...' 

or even, the classic, 'What  do you think about ...?'. 

He just finds the way my mind works a constant source of fascination, like seeing what is going to appear next on a petri dish! 

All of which makes me adore him even more.